On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize