I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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