So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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