Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize