Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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