My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
