"it" just moved
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He kissed a someone with a penis
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
