Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
