She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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