Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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