I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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