She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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