everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
