She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
