john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
