Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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