In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
