Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
