Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
