Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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