There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
