I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
