i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
