you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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