no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
