watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
