Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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