I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
