Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
