If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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