I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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