I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
