I was born with a shot glass in my hand
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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