tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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