you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
