should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So many bounce houses so little time
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
