It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
false alarm, still single
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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