We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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