i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
