i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
