dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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