Please, let me fuck your mom
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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