Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
