I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
