Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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