he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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