he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
