my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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