I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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