so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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