Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
