I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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