I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
