I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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