he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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