I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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