I'm really into asian looking animals
I want to walk on stilts...naked
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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