I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
