What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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