I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
