She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
