i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
