Just took my morning after pill in the library
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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