Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
