Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
