I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
