Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
