Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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